Written by: Paul Gleason

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, in his 1849 book The Sickness Unto Death, describes “despair” as the failure to become an authentic human being. More specifically, it’s a passive existential state in which people find themselves, whether they’re aware of it or not, unless they act to rid themselves of it.

As the following interview demonstrates, Luis Vasquez, who records and performs as The Soft Moon, is well aware of the despair that plagues his life. But he’s engaged in a courageous and rare quest to overcome his despair and become himself through the act of making music.

Indeed, from the first, self-titled Soft Moon album (which came out in 2010) to this year’s masterwork, Deeper, Vasquez’ career has been a progressive revelation of who he really is.

Deeper, on which Vasquez worked with producer Maurizio Baggio, feels like a realization of authenticity – a point at which Vasquez always knew he would arrive if he stayed true to himself and followed his vision.

On Deeper, Vasquez has created The Soft Moon’s most accessible album. Of course, this accessibility comes through the songs, which are loaded with the most musical hooks and the most confident vocals of Vasquez’ career.

But here’s the rub. Deeper is really so accessible because Vasquez puts his authentic self on display for all to see. Unafraid, he harnesses the inner chaos that swirls inside him and makes sophisticated musical structures, indelible vocal melodies, and some of the most painfully honest lyrics that you’ll ever hear.

The result? Deeper: an LP that will help you, the listener, in your quest to overcome despair and seek your authentic self.

SEM was grateful for the opportunity to discuss Vazquez’ instant classic with him.

SEM: Your third and latest album is Deeper. What made you decide to have the vocals (and lyrics) so high in the mix for the first time on a Soft Moon album?

LV: It just happened naturally. In the past, I didn’t really know how to express what I was feeling in words because I didn’t know why I was feeling certain ways. So I was relying on instrumentation to evoke how I feel. But as I’ve evolved as a human being, I’ve come to understand why I feel certain ways. And now I can attach words to what I’m feeling. That’s what happened with this album; I thought it was time to be a little more up front with my vocals and to say something.

SEM: You worked on this record in seclusion, right?

LV: I wanted to live somewhere that was unfamiliar to me – some place foreign. I wanted to have a sense of survival – in a way, to struggle a bit. You can’t appreciate the outcome of something unless there is some kind of fight. So I purposely put myself in that scenario. In the past, I was writing in California, where I was born, so it was a comfortable place for me. I really wanted to push myself and rely on myself completely in bringing anything out creative-wise.

SEM: So that’s what brought you to Venice…

LV: It could have been anywhere, as long as it wasn’t home. Italy just sort of happened. It was convenient, and it just worked out very smoothly. So I jumped on that opportunity.

SEM: Venice is known for its great painting and bright light. What was it like to work on such dark material in that environment?

LV: I didn’t really partake too much in the environment – I stayed home most of the time. I was still doing small tours and festival shows at that time, so I would constantly fly back and forth.

In terms of the influence of Venice, I don’t think there was much. I was just alone (laughs), which forced me to survive and depend on my music to feel alive.

SEM: So Venice, perhaps paradoxically, brought out very introspective material.

LV: Definitely – completely introspective. I just immersed myself into myself and pulled out whatever was there. And I did spend most of the time alone, so it got very personal – more so than in the past.

SEM: Where does Maurizio come into play in all of this?

LV: His studio is about an hour away from where I was living. I would write at home, and about once a month, I would schedule a few days with him in the studio. I would bring my material to him, and from there we would expand on that – elaborate and experiment.

SEM: What was the working dynamic like?

LV: He respects what I do. He let me do what I was doing and let me do it in the timeframe that was comfortable. If he were pushing me in any way, it would definitely have affected my writing and my relationship with him. But he was very open and respectful of the way I was working on this record, which was great.

SEM: Was the writing process different this time other than writing in total isolation?

LV: I was more open to someone else’s ideas and letting go, which is something I’ve never done before. And I think the reason why I felt comfortable doing this is because I’ve toured with Maurizio before – he was a sound engineer – before working together on this record. I think this is why I felt comfortable with him. Because he saw me play every night, he understood my vision with the music. For those reasons, I think it worked out.

SEM: The opening track, “Inward,” is just an amazing piece of music. How did you do that?

LV: That’s a good question (laughs). That intro was actually created after the album was finished. I wanted to create something that would lead you into my world in a way. I took segments of the song, “Black.” I took little parts and pieces and created an intro into the record. I’m really into sounds that are nauseous. I don’t know what you’d call it, but I’ve always been a fan of that – weird, entering the psychedelic dimension. Plus I love albums that have short intros – I’m a big fan of that.

SEM: It creates a sense of discomfort and allows you to enter an inner space. “Black” does come next – I was playing it for my wife, and she says the effects sound like a blowtorch and an aerosol can (laughs). But it’s really effective and really dark. How is that done?

LV: (Laughs). I remember on that track, I was using a regular instrument cable and was running it through distortion, but it wasn’t connected to anything. I was basically playing the snare just by tapping the end of the cable with the distortion. So that’s that aerosol sound that she was talking about.

That was probably the most experimental part of that song. The rest was a synthesizer – the weird, up-and-down screeching. I wanted to try something different and push the boundaries.

Actually, that track was inspired by…have you ever seen The Entity?

SEM: No.

LV: It’s an old horror film from the 70s, I believe. The rhythm of the theme track, “Relentless Attack,” inspired me. Once you hear the track, you might hear it.

SEM: This record is the most accessible of the three, in my opinion. It’s got some great pop songs!

LV: I’ve always been a fan of pop songs – it was the first music I ever listened to, so I can always appreciate a pop song. On this record, I didn’t want to hold back. In the past, I was kind of anti-pop (laughs). This record, I wasn’t scared – I wanted to show more sides of myself, even express some of my guilty pleasures.

SEM: (Laughs). I read somewhere that “Billie Jean” is one of your favorite songs…

LV: That’s a great song. That beat inspired “Feel” on the record.

SEM: Let’s talk about that song. “Feel” and “Far” are really bright and upbeat for you. But on “Feel” you say, “I feel so shallow inside, so empty inside. Why are we alive?” So you get that contrast between the dark lyrics and the rather upbeat dance groove of the track.

LV: I tend to do that quite often. Within all the darkness, there’s still that dance element; it’s almost like optimism within all the darkness. It’s also my way of bringing listeners closer to me. It makes the track more appealing. It’s my formula for making my music a little more relatable, even though it’s so dark and unique to my life. I just want to bring people into my world who wouldn’t necessarily be a part of it.

SEM: You’re making your inner demons accessible to other people…

LV: Exactly.

SEM: Would you please talk about the song “Far”? It deals explicitly with suicide…

LV: That track deals with my frustrations, the chaos that I feel inside that I just can’t seem to escape. It’s really exhausting, and I feel like it’s going to be the end of me. It’s very literal in terms of the lyrics – I really do want to escape myself into a more peaceful realm. I’m just scared of my mind and what it might make me do or what decisions I might make because of the darkness that is inside. I’m just struggling to be peaceful.

SEM: When I heard Deeper, I thought of two albums that might be precursors: Joy Division’s Closer and Nine Inch Nails’ The Downward Spiral. These records are very claustrophobic – there doesn’t seem to be a way out. You seem to provide that – a way out. Why is that important to you? Do you want to give your listeners a sense of hope?

LV: Yeah, definitely. I’m a huge fan of that word. I always like to express a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still fighting – and you can hear that in the music – but I’m not giving up. At least for me, in the future, I think there will be some sort of hope in the end, and that’s what I’m trying to achieve. I’m fighting my demons, and I’m defeating them, or I’m on the verge of.

SEM: It seems that’s almost the trajectory of your career…

LV: It makes perfect sense.

SEM: In 2010, you can barely hear your voice on the first record. And now you’re really out there. You sound more confident and alive. Is that a conscious direction that you’re going in?

LV: That’s 100% correct. From the beginning, it’s been an evolution. And it’s all been for the goal of being happy, discovering happiness or this inner peace. As it’s evolved, you can totally see that in the discography – you can see the chapters of my life. You can see me slowly accomplishing my goal.

SEM: I’d like to talk about the song “Being.” It features a tape-rewind effect and concludes with cataclysmic white noise. And you say, “I can’t see my face; I don’t know who I am.” What does all that have to do with the concept of being?

LV: These questions are questions are questions I ask myself on a daily basis. Every time I look in the mirror, I’m bewildered by what I am as a human being. It’s strange to be a human being, and I don’t know what it is. I ask these questions, and I get so frustrated that it gets to the point where I scream them. And then, at the end, the white noise represents having no answers.

SEM: When you say, “I can’t see my face,” do you mean that there’s disconnect between how you see yourself and feel inside and how the world sees you?

LV: Exactly. I also feel, too, that in my normal life, I lie to myself in a way. I’m not being the person I truly am, to myself! And I ask myself that question for that reason. Another perspective on that is that when I write my music, it doesn’t feel like it’s coming from me.

SEM: Does it feel like you’re channeling something, that something’s working through you?

LV: That’s what it feels like – totally. Every song that I’ve written doesn’t feel like I’ve written it, and that’s why I like to go back and listen to my music and contemplate it and wonder and try to figure out where it’s really coming from.

SEM: Is it hard to know when that creative flow is coming on, especially as an artist who works alone?

LV: It makes me feel more… alone. I feel more lost when I’m on my own and in the creative process. Writing these tracks is very tortuous for me to make. I feel alone in the world when I’m writing these songs.

SEM: You’re layering parts, going through a process of composition. Is it all hell (laughs)?

LV: (Laughs). It’s a roller coaster. Sometimes a song will make me incredibly happy, but in a strange way, as if I’m conquering my feelings…I’m defeating these feelings. It’s like this breath of fresh air, this release. Other times, a song can take me to a really dark place, I mean, even darker than where it started. So it’s scary at times.

SEM: What’s it like to play them live?

LV: Cathartic. Super emotional. Very heavy – I’ve had some breakdowns on stage (laughs). I just completely let go and give in and feel it. Maybe like a masochist in some way – I enjoy the pain.

SEM: Do you think that your music fits in with the general vibe of psych rock and Austin Psych Fest?

LV: That’s interesting – I was thinking about that the other day. I think this will be our third time playing it. I always feel like an outsider (laughs). If Austin Psych Fest wants to book me – and I enjoy that festival immensely – maybe they’re seeing something I’m not, and I’m okay with that.

SEM: What do you like about the festival?

LV: I do like psych music. I’m usually into the lineup – the lineup’s always amazing – so that part’s great. And the general vibe – a lot people are on acid – but…(laughs). It’s fun; it’s a cool vibe.

I mean, there’s only two festivals I really like: APF and Primavera.

SEM: Why do you like Primavera?

LV: It’s about the vibe – it doesn’t get chaotic. A lot of festivals feel very chaotic. I get really anxious around a lot of people. I want to curl up into a ball and hide or something. I’m just basing this off the fact that I feel comfortable at these two festivals, which means something. I can’t really describe it.

SEM: Who are you looking forward to seeing this year at APF?

LV: The Jesus and Mary Chain. They’re going to be amazing.

SEM: Before we close, I’d like to thank you for the album and for putting yourself out there so much.

LV: It’s the only time I express myself truly how I feel inside, because I don’t do that in my daily life. Music gives me that confidence, that one chance to be who I am.

Transcription by Katie Gleason

Edited by Katie Gleason and Paul Gleason