Written by: Shawn Brown
Photo by Geoff Tischman
In honor of fall, the return of NFL football and the myriad of fantasy football leagues that accompany the season, I figured it would be downright badass to create our own rock and roll version of a Fantasy Draft.
Over the next few weeks here at Sunday Quarantunes, I will be running a number of fictitious mock drafts in hopes of an immaculate conception of awesome! Perhaps some of these new band combinations will force a chuckle from your faces (or very possibly a spit-take of your latte).
Regardless, it’s gonna be a hoot – so let the games begin!
Here’s how it will work:
Below you will find category lists made up of the positions of the 5-piece rock band (lead singer, lead/rhythm guitar, bass guitar and drummer). Each list contains 20 names that appear in alphabetical order.
Please Note: The 20 names on each list are made up of alt-rock era icons all of whom I like, love, and respect. Literally…every single rapscallion on these lists – LOVE ‘EM!
As a direct result of my burning hot passion for these artists, there is nothing objective about these lists. I unilaterally decided that 20 names was plenty, which means many names of musicians that I love were unceremoniously cut.
BUT It also means, I had the pleasure of purposely and buoyantly leaving OFF those names of those folks I felt undeserving of the honor (it’s my column, I can do whatever my little heart desires). Therefore you will not see the likes of Courtney Love, Perry Farrell, Anthony Kiedis or even Morrissey anywhere on these lists. They’ve been arbitrarily disqualified by the Fantasy Draft Commissioner (ahem…me).
So… sorry, not sorry…like at all.
For this first week’s Fantasy Draft, I will be drafting the members of a brand spankin’ new, straight down the middle ROCK BAND. Next week, INDIE ROCK. The following FUNK ROCK, then ART ROCK…you get the drift right?!
I’ll pick my #1 draft choice at each position, which will then form our brand new band.
I invite you to play along at home and share your results in the comments!
*Choose one selection from each list except guitarists – you can choose two of those!
Lead Singers:
Tori Amos
Bjork
Jeff Buckley
Ian Brown
Kurt Cobain
Chris Cornell
Adam Duritz
Kim Gordon
Katheleen Hanna
Julianna Hatfield
Shannon Hoon
Mark Lanegan
Shirley Manson
Johnette Napolitano
Bradley Nowell
Dolores O’Riordan
Robert Smith
Shawn Smith
Layne Staley
Micheal Stipe
Thom Yorke
Eddie Vedder
With the first pick of the Fantasy Rock Band Draft (Lead Singer), I select….Chris Cornell.
Absolutely no drama with this pick. If it’s going to be a straightforward rocking band, Cornell is my guy. Forever and always! However, the names on this list make it painfully difficult. His draft stock is also bolstered by his guitar playing. Added bonus!
Guitarists:
Carrie Brownstein
Peter Buck
Jerry Cantrell
Annie Clark
Kelly Deal
Ani DiFranco
Billy Duffy
John Frusciante
Noel Gallagher
Kristen Hersh
J. Mascis
Johnny Marr
Mike McCready
Tom Morello
Bob Mould
Liz Phair
Vernon Reid
Rich Robinson
Joey Santiago
Donita Sparks
Kim Thayal
With the first pick of the Fantasy Rock Band Draft (Guitarist), I select…John Frusciante.
If it’s going to be rock, this band is going to need Frusciante. He’s a jolt of sunshine every time he picks up a guitar–a mad genius. I also think his feel will groove along with Cornell’s style of rhythm playing. This band is going to be heavy…that said, we’re still gonna need more guitar!
With the second pick of the Fantasy Rock Band Draft (Guitarist), I select…St. Vincent (Anne Clark).
With an immeasurable style all her own, I’m betting on her to be the yin to Fruscainte’s yang – with Cornell’s fire sitting square in the middle.
Three. Guitar. Attack…eat your heart out, Foo Fighters.
Bassist:
Jeff Ament
Melissa Auf de Maur
Adam Clayton
Les Claypool
Justin Currie
Kim Deal
Flea
Jennifer Finch
Norwood Fisher
Rachel Haden
Peter Hook
Duff McKagan
Mike Mills
Meshell N’degeocello
Doug Pinnick
Muzz Skillings
Tommy Stinson
John Taylor
Mike Watt
D’arcy Wretzky
With the first pick of the Fantasy Rock Band Draft (Bassist), I select…Duff McKagen.
Look, we’re drafting a Rock & Roll band here…It’s gotta be Duff. He has just the vast repertoire of groove that will be needed to hold this thing together. My heart wanted to draft either Tommy Stinson or Adam Clayton here, but my mind knows Duff’s the guy!
Drummers:
Bill Barry
Cindy Blackman
Mike Bordin
Danny Carey
Matt Cameron
Dale Crover
Josh Freese
Dave Grohl
Sean Kinney
Barrett Martin
Larry Mullen Jr.
Steven Perkins
Dee Plackas
Reni
Phillip Selway
Patty Schemel
Kate Shellenback
Janet Weiss
Meg White
Brad Wilk
With the first pick of the Fantasy Rock Band Draft (Drummers), I select…Patty Schemel.
There’s a veritable cornucopia of great picks in the drummer category, especially for a straight down the middle rock band. Patty just has to be in this band. Her ever-so-slightly behind the beat style feels like a great match for Duff’s bass. And with all the guitar fireworks in this band, we’re going to be depending on this rock-solid rhythm section big time!
That was way harder than anticipated, I’m sweating!
FYI, here’s my 2nd round results:
Lead Singer:
Johnette Napolitano
Guitars:
Mike McCready and Noel Gallagher
Bass:
Peter Hook
Drums:
Larry Mullen Jr.
What a band right?! One thing’s for sure though, we’re not letting Noel name the band this time!
How’d your draft come out?!
